Fucking about in Ferelden

There's Something About Dandervale - Part 3
Prelude to a TPK (no, really)

13 Guardian 28th Year of the Dragon Age

Having survived the battle with the villagers and the possessed dead, the Shits continued their slow journey through the dark, bile coated caves. The group – in high spirits from their recent victory – chatted away. Boreas had his own conversation, muttering away to himself.

The chatter soon stopped, when the troupe entered a room containing the bodies of several children, who appeared to have been cut on something awful. The silence of our adventurers was telling. They progressed slowly into the next room, in which they found several cages with scarred creatures as their prisoners. They were squat creatures, mostly hairless and asymmetrical features. They sported claws on the end of some appendages and spiked bones jutting out of their flesh. They threw themselves at their cages as the Shits approached.

Pathetic cries carried through the air. The foursome followed the sound, to the corner of the room. Approaching the cage it became apparent that the creature making the sounds was a small human girl. After a brief conversation, Boreas – in his infinite wisdom – decided to bash the lock on the girls cage door with his sword, damaging it in the process. Sigh.

Surprisingly the braindead beefcake’s mighty bashing skill doesn’t come through. Yeran attempted to gain the child’s trust but fared no better. Perhaps like a Jedi, she too could sense a disturbance in the force when the mage began to talk to her.

Banal’ras-Vun rolled her eyes and pushed both the men out of the way to attempt to pick the lock that Boreas had failed so hard on, making conversation tentatively with the girl. Boreas realising he needed to work off the rage effects of his last ’roid shot, decided to kill all of the caged creatures in the room.

During Banal’ras-Vun’s conversation, which lasted no longer than was required to breach the lock, our hot Rogue discovers the girl’s name is Kaylah.

Mah’jeek rejoins the group after being distracted by something else in the room, he does not say what, and no one else in the party asks. After very little discussion the party advise Kaylah that her brother is waiting for her on the surface and she should run, through the dark, dangerous cave, alone, back to him. This would not come back to bite them in the ass in any way shape or form. Nope. Not at all.

The “Saviours of Vintiver” progressed into the next room and quickly realised that they had reached a dead end. On the far wall an arc of symbols symbols were drawn in blood. Below these, a set of patterns some complete, others with the last symbols missing.

It was both clear and unclear what was needed.

Inspecting for for some time, pretending like he might have a clue what the symbols represented, Yeran finally (after about 2 minutes) decided that this riddle was beyond his cognitive capacity. Throughout hunting their quarry, the party had been collecting torn pages scattered throughout almost all of the rooms the Shits had passed through. Feeling mentally outclassed, Yeran decided to use this time to translate these notes as they were all written in Ancient Tevene. He sat down in the corner sitting quietly and nodding, making various contemplative noises. #howamagelooksbusy

The remaining three stared at the puzzle. Boreas decides to draw a pair of big floppy titties, followed by a plus symbol. Copying two of the symbols from the arc. A stone fist then appeared and decked Boreas. The wall altered the symbols Boreas had placed and added a new incomplete line below.

Mah’jeek decided to step up and take a shot, painting a few symbols with his girthy finger.

However the large mage got it WRONG!

A wave of fire was born mid air and cascaded through the room scalding everyone. Again the symbols on the wall altered and a new line appeared.

Then Banal’ras-Vun confidently steps up to the wall to have a go.


A giant ball of fire crashed down on everyone causing MOAR FIRE DAMAGE.

At this point there was a rumbling, grinding noise as a slab of stone slowly drew back, revealing a dark passage for the Shits to snake along. As if having gotten flamed twice wasn’t enough, Banal’ras-Vun progressed a little carelessly through the passage and took a fireball to the face.

The party came upon a large cavern, they could hear scratching, tapping, dragging noises. Yeran’s heart sank. From the darkness came their next challenge a Drake and two Dragonlings, bitches!

Boreas adopting his single weapon stance, drew his sword. Then he ran away. Eager to make use of a slightly more offensive posture, Yeran weakened the Drake. But the initiative is soon nullified, as our heroes began to…disagree…on what approach to take. After a bit of confusion, Boreas remembered he has really impressive armor and charged in to attack the Drake. Meanwhile Banal’ras-Vun executed a backstab. Teamwork baby!

One of the Dragonlings scurried across the dusty earth and on to a pile of rubble. From there it attacked Yeran. The teeny Dragonlings ganged up on Banal’ras-Vun, all out attacking her. Yeran attempted to heal his friends, but was rather bad at it, as usual. While Mah’jeek grunted like a horny boar.

The Drake properly wailed on Boreas, clawing the warrior and flaming him, while Banal’ras-Vun kited the dragonlings, exploiting that tasty defense to good effect. Yeran used up the last of his mana tossing heals between the pair.

While Banal’ras-Vun explored the cave while bravely running away from the dragonlings, a giant swing from Boreas connected with the Drake, then a stone pillar immediately after, causing a curtain of dust and debris to come down around it.

The battle continued on, a few of the Drake’s attacks missing their target. Eventually, it takes a terrible slash to its eye, causing it to charge forward and plough through a part of the cave wall. The party then turn to aid Banal’ras-Vun in taking down the Dragonlings who are quickly dispatched.

A high price was paid for this unnecessary battle; both Mah’jeek and Yeran’s mana pools wers depleted. A point that – after navigating further through the building, along dank dark tunnels and up creaking ladders – is hammered home when the group finally found what they came here for. A badass blood mage and her entourage.

As entranced villagers surround the fetid fellowship, an old, grotesque smile forms on the mage’s face, and a wall of swirling crimson builds up around her.

Is this the end of The Shits?….


There's Something About Dandervale - Part 2
Wakey wakey Mah'jeek!

13 Guardian 28th Year of the Dragon Age

The Shits entered their room at the inn and the door was locked behind them. They heard a piece of furniture being pushed up against the door. Out of defiance, Banal’ras-Vun pushed the chest of drawers in their room against the door, before realising the door opens the other way making the chest only a small vault rather than something blocking others’ entry. Yeran opened the window and a young man in the street below shouted up to him “Quick! You all need to leave while you still can!” before dashing away in the rain. The Shits lowered each other down to the ground from the window with Yeran and Mah’jeek spraining their ankles from falling badly. After considering returning to the inn to troll the innkeeper who must have locked them in their room, they followed the man to a shed on the outskirts of the village.

The young man was revealed to be a 16 year old boy who said his little sister, Kaylah, went missing about 3 weeks ago and that people were mysteriously changing when they entered the old Fletcherson house. Yeran molested up Mah’jeek under the pretense of healing him a bit and then they left to try to explore the house. Before they could leave, the boy warned of regular patrols and offered to make a distraction leading some of the people away and leaving the group to try to reach the house on their own.

Banal’ras-Vun sneaked up towards the house as Boreas kept watch for patrols. Yeran created a faint light in the sky as a distraction for one patrol as Mah’jeek threw a rock throw for the same purpose. The Shits managed to edge closer to the house street by street. When they arrived the boy’s cries attracted most of a group of villagers who were standing guard outside except for one. Banal’ras-Vun attepted to sneak up on him and knock out but required Boreas aid to finish the job. Boreas ran up to the lone guard and punched him knocking him flat on his back and unconscious.

They unlocked the door, dragging the guard in, before locking the door again. They starting exploring the house working their way up to the top floor attempting to reach the roof where they had seen someone sending a bird from. Banal’ras-Vun tried to climb a ladder up to the roof but fell through the floor. The oh-so dexterous Mah’jeek chuckled as he edged around the hole and climbed up to the roof, finding fresh bird feed and empty coops. The Shits then headed down to the basement, finding the property of old residents in crates and a dug out tunnel with piles of dirt around it. Yeran conjured a wisp to light the way and Boreas lead the way down until torches were seen up ahead.

There they came out into a large cave where tables, stricken with blood and body parts, were arranged. There was also a small group of villages playing cards on the lone clean table. They noticed Boreas shouting out causing a corpse to rise from a table along with another corpse shambling towards Mah’jeek from behind the Shits. None of the squad were scared, this was not their first rodeo after all. Banal’ras-Vun charged upon the table corpse and began to wail on it. Boreas moved up and knocked out one of the villagers while the Mages moved into the room and away from the corpse. Boreas quickly subdued the other villagers and Banal’ras-Vun had a flawless victory on the table corpse, whipping around to start work on the other one. Boreas charged in for this post-necrophilic gang-bang on the last corpse. Upon looting, the mages found scribbled notes in Ancient Tevene while the others found a couple of potions.

They made their way further into the caverns, spotting a group of villagers moving up ahead, before they can hide themselves they are spotted and they immediately scatter out of sight. Boreas decided to barrel down the narrow corridor after them finding a hole trap in the darkness. After he hits the bottom of the pit he digs out his lantern and attempts to light it. Banal’ras-Vun explored a side passage and made a new friend, a corpse who strangles her. Yeran followed Banal’ras-Vun leaving Mah’jeek to get snuck up on by another corpse who starts to strangle him. Boreas lights his lantern and stands up as he looks around he finds he has become surrounded by villagers who knock him prone again. Villagers surround Mah’jeek too save for one narrow gap which he escapes through after breaking free from the corpses strangulation. He ran into a Devouring Corpse then quickly turned around and ran a different way. The Enraged Corpse catches up to him and begins strangling him again, eventually the villagers surround him again. Mah’jeek’s cries echoed through the cave and Yeran ran around the labyrinthine network trying to find him as Boreas KILLS the two villagers attacking him and runs off.

Boreas sprinted through the passages trying to find his way back to his friends and Mah’jeek. He found his way to the room that he had originally been trying to get to before falling down the hole trap. He decides to leap across the pit towards the sound of Mah’jeek’s gurgling. Critically misjudging the distance and falling down the hole, again, clearly demonstrating his lack of cunning. Mah’jeek managed to break free of the strangulation again, beating the corpse so had it gets spun around and starts to strangle the corpse behind it out of confusion. Mah’jeek starts rapidly spamming Heal spells on himself managing to over compensate for the incoming damage from the corpse in front of him and the villagers behind him. Boreas and Banal’ras-Vun created a sandwich of the double sandwiching bad guys on Mah’jeek. Banal’ras-Vun attempted a back-stab but the villager was so aware that he manages to turn the attack back on her. Banalras-Vun then made a fancy as fuck attack, making the guys (and corpse) stand in awe of her, dealing a massive amount of damage to the villager who was barely standing from his prior wounds. Banal’ras-Vun then knocked out the last villager and Boreas beheaded the Devouring Corpse and tried to stuff the head into the Enraged Corpse’s mouth, however, it moves out of the way and the head is thrown onto Mah’jeek.

The Enraged Corpse then takes a ride on Boreas’ unsheathed bastard sword (literally and not in the necrophilic way). Mah’jeek finally starts to wake up and seized the initiative, letting off a volley of Arcane Lance blasts at the Enraged Corpse almost taking it down. But naturally Boreas’ “OP”combat skills get the kill.

The Shits continued their search of the caverns for the blood mage, with Mah’jeek feeling like that encounter should have been the hardest of the day…

There's Something About Dandervale - Part 1
The party return to Briarham

10 Guardian 28th Year of the Dragon Age

Upon entering Briarham, The Shits heard the sound of a crowd coming from the town triangle. They chose to investigate and as they got closer, so did the cheers and shouts become louder. A large group of people were surrounding a small area outside the remains of the Blacksmiths shop. The Shits pushed themselves through the crowd to see what the fuss was about. In the centre of the circle of people, a brawl was taking place, or rather had taken place, as the champion had just claimed victory.

The announcer, brought upon an applause from the crowd, cheering the victory of the champion. Our heroes recognised the announcer to be the town’s blacksmith, Brevin, the man whose smithy had been blown up by Brannek the last time they had been in the village. Brevin called for more potential opponents for his champion, Valron to fight, promising one gold if they were victorious in defeating him. Boreas and Banal’ras-Vun were certainly interested, and so approached the smith, where they asked for the rules.

Four rules were made by the Blacksmith. First: pay ten silver as an entry fee for the tournament. Second: Combatants must not kill their opponents, losers must yield. Third: Combatants must use weapons and armour provided. And fourth: No outside interference was permitted. On hearing the third rule, Banal’ras-Vun became less interested in participating, because Ebony and Ivory were special to her, but Boreas was more than happy to oblige to the terms, considering the most powerful two handed sword of the selection was the same as his, though less fancy, and the ten by ten yard area of the arena meant that he could wear the hardiest plate armour without having to worry about moving around too much.

As he prepared for the battle, Yeran and Mah’jeek placed their bets on the fight. Both bet on Boreas, of course, though they both decided to choose different rounds on when Boreas would win, Yeran choosing Round Three and Mah’jeek Round Four. They both bet twenty silver on the Avvar. After doing so, they made their way to join the crowd. All suited up for his fight, Boreas was raring to go. However, Brevin whispered to the warrior that if he yielded in the 4th round he’d pay him 20 Silver. Boreas’ pride as a warrior, as well as the temptation of the one gold prize, had him refuse Brevin’s offer and he continued to prepare. Boreas and Valron entered the ring, to thunderous applause.

Brevin introduced him to the audience. He was given a warm welcome as a challenger and Boreas reveled in the admiration the crowd was giving him. Brevin then counted down to the start of the fight. Boreas took a stance, as did Valron. As soon as the Blacksmith shouted “Fight!”, Boreas took the initiative and charged with a rush of adrenaline. Though his opponent too wore plate armour, the Avvar managed to carve his way through thanks to a bunch of powerful attacks, high rolls and tasty stunts.

Ultimately, Boreas wiped the floor with the so-called “champion”, and beat him before Brevin could call the 1st round. His opponent yielding before collapsing. The crowd cheered on the victor and Boreas basked in the glory. This was a bittersweet victory though, as Yeran and Mah’jeek had both lost twenty silver, and Brevin was furious. He hid it as he congratulated the victor. Before the crowd whisked him off on their shoulders, the Smith whispered in Boreas’ ear, “I won’t forget this…” Boreas wasn’t the slightest bit worried, and cheered as the crowd hoisted him up (with some difficulty) and carried him to the inn for free drinks and food for the night. Banal’ras-Vun was just as happy with herself, as she managed to pickpocket sixty silver during the course of the brawl.

With drink in their blood and food in their bellies (especially Boreas’), The Shits turned in for the night at the inn. The next morning, Mah’jeek pointed out to Banal’ras-Vun that it was here in Briarham that Brannek had first acquired Ebony and Ivory. Her interest piqued, Banal’ras-Vun followed her comrades as they led her to the general goods store. The Elven shopkeeper, Eladril, recognised and welcomed The Shits. He even kept a smile when Boreas reminded him that it was he who had pissed on his doorstep. He asked about Brannek and was saddened, if only a little, to hear of his passing. The Shits introduced him to Banal’ras-Vun, and he was delighted, for had not met a Dalish before.

Banal’ras-Vun presented the daggers to the shopkeeper and asked where he had originally procured them. He informed her that he had found them deep in the Brecillian Forest, a fact that impressed Banal’ras-Vun as even she had not been so deep into the forest. Their business concluded, Boreas proclaimed that he would visit the Blacksmith (forgetting the resentment that the Smith held against him), and order a set of plate armour to be made for him. The shopkeeper however, informed him that the Blacksmith had left the town after yesterday’s event. He informed the group that the entire reason why the tournament was taking place was to acquire funds to fix the Smithy. The Shits looked at Boreas, but then shrugged and left the building.

They stayed comfortably at the inn for the next couple of days, waiting for Grigor to arrive. When he eventually appeared Sigge arrived with him, much to the surprise and delight of The Shits. She was introduced to her gang’s newest member, Banal’ras-Vun. After that, she handed out armbands to each of them. Made of leather, they had engraved on them ‘Sigge’s Shits’ as well as a symbol of a man defecating into his fallen enemy’s mouth. Sigge then said her farewells and soon left to attend to other matters, leaving her Shits in the hands of Grigor.

Grigor promptly departed with the group towards Dandervale, passing a heavy bag to Yeran for him to carry. On the way, he told tales of his adventures, although they could tell some were slightly exaggerated, while most were very much exaggerated. The weather turned dull as they neared an encampment a few miles outside the town. Grigor led The Shits into the encampment, where soldiers, mages and Templars alike were bustling around, which made our heroes uneasy to say the least. They all entered a large tent in the middle of the camp, which was essentially a war room, with a map of Dandervale and its surrounding areas marked out.

As Yeran passed the bag back to Grigor his eye was caught by a strange light emitting from the bag. When questioned about it Grigor pulled out an orb, the size of a fist, radiating an ominous crimson. Grigor explained that the artifact was on loan from the Circle and that it possessed the ability to detect the use of blood magic in its vicinity. The fact that it was glowing confirmed Grigor’s suspicions. Blood magic was in use in Dandervale and it was probably being used by Gianna.

He filled them in on the situation. Gianna, a blood mage who was part of the same group as Davrik was suspected to be hiding out in the area around Dandervale. Obviously, the plan was to stop her from creating havoc in the village, but also to look for any information regarding her master, Falinesti. Grigor added that they had already dispatched an undercover scout, going by the name of Rjordain. Rjordain was known for always checking in when expected, and so it was worrisome that he hadn’t for the past couple days. Therefore, Grigor tasked our heroes with finding Rjordain and making contact with him, tracking down Gianna hopefully with Rjordain’s help and then killing her. He offered them an extra reward if they were successful in finding out any more information about Falinesti particularly any lead on where he might be. He also gave them a special code to speak to anyone who they suspected to be Rjordain, as well as the correct response that Rjordain should give.

The Shits accepted their new quest. They tried to get Grigor to give them supplies, particularly in the form of Lirium and Health potions for the mages, but the rain must have given Yeran a headache or something, as his persuasive tactics didn’t suade Grigor in the slightest. Before they left the tent, Grigor warned them that a kill order has been given to all the guards on the perimeter until the orb stopped glowing, meaning that anybody who tried to leave the village would be executed on the spot, even those who were considered allies. That, on top of Grigor’s refusal to provide any further supplies, didn’t amuse our heroes. They left with a huff and headed towards the village of Dandervale.

As they followed the road with a small stone wall erected on one side and woodland on the other, Banal’ras-Vun heard a rustling in the woods and several beasts the size of deer emerged. One spat a fireball at the group, missing Boreas by a few inches. Banal’ras-Vun drew her weapons, while the rest of the group floundered around in confusion. The beasts came forward, revealing the scaly, slender bodies of Dragonlings.

Boreas’ eyes lit up with delight. They weren’t Dragons, but probably the best comparison he’d ever find. He wanted one. The Dragonlings didn’t care for Boreas’ admiration, and so started attacking with fireballs. They aimed at the mages and their squishy bodies, though the flames didn’t seem to do too much damage. Seizing an opening, Banal’ras-Vun attempted a backstabbing, but failed… twice.

The Dragonlings saw that their attacks weren’t doing much. Therefore they changed tactics and focused their attention on Banal’ras-Vun, dealing much more damage with their melee attacks. The Elf tried to defend herself with attacks of her own, but things didn’t seem to be going her way and she missed. The mages protected themselves by jumping over the wall while Boreas ran in to smack them, though his luck from the brawl had seemed to run out, as his attacks didn’t too much. The Dragonlings continued their assault on Banal’ras-Vun.

The mages cast spells, Mah’jeek cast Walking Bomb on one of the Dragonlings, and Yeran healing the wounded Banal’ras-Vun. Banal’ras-Vun meanwhile ran away and jumped over the wall. Boreas made the first decent attack of the fight on one of the Dragonlings before they could run after Banal’ras-Vun. They were very, very dedicated with attacking her. Two of them jumped over the wall to land beside the Elven rogue, but she didn’t give them a chance to attack as she jumped back over the wall and activated her secret technique of running away.

Yeran continued his support for Banal’ras-Vun, but didn’t manage to get jump over the wall, leaving him susceptible to the Dragonlings’ wrath. Mah’jeek too didn’t jump over the wall, but cast another Walking Bomb on another of the Dragonlings. Boreas attacked the Dragonling that didn’t jump over the wall, but the lizard got scared of him, and so chased after the sexy Elven lass instead. The other two ignored the mages, jumped over the wall and chased once again after Banal’ras-Vun. She attempted to run again, but didn’t manage to get over the wall. She cursed under her breath as she turned to see her pursuers closing in on her.

Realising the potential danger, Yeran healed Banal’ras-Vun once again, but very effectively. Mah’jeek joined the healing brigade and helped Banal’ras-Vun some more. He achieved a lovely stunt, dual casting Mind Blast on the ground beside two of the Dragonlings, knocking them prone and sedating them for a bit. Boreas ran to Banal’ras-Vun’s defence, but they all simply ran past him, leaving him to stand like an embarrassed little schoolboy.

Banal’ras-Vun ran and jumped over the wall once again. Mah’jeek and Boreas continued their attack, with the Avvar managing to slay one of the Dragonlings. The beasts still took no notice of those that were ACTUALLY dealing damage to them and continued to chase Banal’ras-Vun, who also kept up her secret running the fuck away technique. Boreas gave a spectacular display, starting with a charge, led by a six-point stunt, injuring one of the Dragonlings severely. He tried to determine if he would be able to tame the other using the weird stunt powers of empathetic mind reading. He found that these creatures were wild and likely wouldn’t listen to him if he caught one, but God damn it he wanted a Dragon pet. He didn’t give up hope.

The two remaining Dragonlings continued chasing Banal’ras-Vun, but they couldn’t catch up to her, each having their different reasons. One of them simply couldn’t reach her due to Yeran casting a Weakness spell. The other bumped into Mah’jeek on the way and so attacked him instead.

Fed up with her secret technique, Banal’ras-Vun decided to be her own woman and attacked one of the Dragonlings, this time managing to do some damage. Yeran chilled out on the sidelines. Mah’jeek, inspired by Banal’ras-Vun’s independence, decided to go on the offensive and fired a lance at one. The Dragonling catching the magical bolt in it’s mouth and swallowing it, causing its insides to explode… all… over… BoreasMah’jeek thought to himself ‘Karma, bitch’.

With the death of his comrade, the last Dragonling ran away, and escaped, much to Boreas’ disappointment. The Shits continued their journey and soon entered the town of Dandervale. The weather was dreary and as they looked around the town, the atmosphere was as well. They wandered on and soon approach a building. The windows were boarded up, as if it were abandoned. However, there was a light in the window, which was quickly snuffed out upon their approach. As the darkness consumed the unsettling house, a bird flew into the dark skies above them, and off into the distance.

As if by some curse brought about by the ominous house, the heavens wailed and The Shits looked around frantically for a place to get out of the heavy rain. A man approached and invited them to come out of the miserable weather and into the Inn. Not five minutes after entering the inn, and Boreas was already munching his way through a meal. The others sat with him, along with the man, who introduced himself as Mason, the night watchman of the town. He offered them drinks and small talk, starting off with talk of their Dragonling infestation in the surrounding forest.

After some chatting, the subject of the ominous building came up. Mason dismissed it as a haunted house, but The Shits goaded him into spilling the beans. Mason told the story behind the building, a story of betrayal and ghosts. After telling his story, he bade them farewell (more cheerfully) and left, at which point The Shits noticed an elf with a scar across his face and a hood over his head watching them from a corner. Yeran walked up to the bar, ordered two glasses of fine wine and brought them to the Elf’s table. He spoke the secret code. There was a tense pause before the Elf responded correctly and told them to get a room, which they promptly did. They went up to their room and awaited the arrival of the mysterious Elf.

The Dalish Curse - Part 5
Taking an arrow to the sphincter

05 Guardian 28th Year of the Dragon Age

The adventurers set forth from the forest’s edge as the sun set, varnishing the landscape in a deep blood orange, blades of grass shimmering with tangerine dew.

The dusk seemed briefly quiet and solemn. The party took a while to adjust to the light after leaving the dark, stretching expanse of the Brecillian Forest. Bell chimes were carried on a chilled breeze, one, two and three. Continuous ringing from the Vintiver Chantry bells reeled the party back into reality, setting their steps into motion as they charged into the village, Boreas and Lirresh leading the way.

Halfway between the forest and Vintiver, the bells were silenced, and corpses began to defile the landscape. The blood mixed with the damp in rancid red, enveloped in the fallacy of the sunset. The parties steps quickened, adrenaline soaring as they reached Vintiver.

The town was plagued with Blood Crows and Revengers, clashing with small pockets of resistance. The village had taken up arms! Some fighting in the inn, the chantry or their own invaded homes. In the center of the malefic chaos stood Elgar’len, disfigured, grotesque and fueled with fury.

The party stared out to what was facing them, all members feeling a cold chill run down their spines to their toes. Fear filled the adventurers like they had not felt before.

Initially, it was five to one. The hero side looking mighty: Yeran, Boreas, Mah’jeek, Banal’ras-Vun and Lirresh stood facing the abomination. Blows were quickly exchanged, Boreas slicing his blade onto Elgar’len, in company of lacerations courtesy of Banal’ras-Vun. The retaliation was equally formidable, Elgar’len’s penetrating scratches cut deep into Boreas through exposed parts of his flesh, as intense fiery heat charred his armour.

The confidence of the party grew over time, bountiful healing from Yeran and disorientating Mind Blasts from Mah’jeek kept Elgar’len’s devastation to a minimum. Soon enough the party felt the blood and adrenaline overcoming their fear. All except Banal’ras-Vun, who was too preoccupied with skillful bluffs and backstabs to take some time for her own mindfulness.

A cry was heard from across the way, a Revenger was chasing Kesla, the innkeepers wife, her children clutching on to her hands, into the inn. It’s mouth dripped with an insatiable lust for death. None but Boreas paid a pittance, as they were determined to take down the source of the problem. Noble as ever though, Boreas charged to the inn, hurling his mass through the very same window that the Revenger had jumped through. Blood trailing before him, he reached the top of the stairs where the Revenger stood. It was violently smashing on a barricaded door in order to get to its prey. Boreas seeing a large shard of glass protruding from the chest of the beast, charged and sent the glass on its way home with an assertive push. The beast, gouged, shrieked out in agony as it is conveyed out of the first floor window, to its death on the feculent dirt below.

As Boreas did so, the party continued to hammer down on Elgar’len, punishing the reckless abomination with all of their might. Arrows rained down, piercing the tainted flesh, only for the remainder to be dexterously flayed by Banal’ras-Vun. In the distance, Coalan struggled to save his forge. He was fighting against three Revengers bearing torches on his own. He bravely defended the wood and thatching from the ravenous flames. Mah’jeek, as heroic as he is over-ambitious, charged down the hill with great pace to meet Coalan and his aggressors.

The fray began with hope, as Mah’jeek immediately grabbed a bucket of water and doused the flame of one of the torches, catching the attention of one of the Revengers attacking Coalan. The Revenger unleashed a mighty fury upon its new prey, bearing Mah’jeek to the ground. Meanwhile the last Revenger with a torch managed to set a part of the blacksmith on fire. The situation grew dire with the fire threatening to consume building and life alike. Coalan, enraged, fought on and successfully disarmed the remaining torch from the Revenger.

Meanwhile, Elgar’len had began to feel the odds against him. He cocked his head back, opening his throat to an unnatural state and unleashing a deafening howl that could be felt to the very bone. Two Revengers exited their battles nearby to come and wage war on the heroes. Banal’ras-Vun, who was currently taking the brunt of the damage, kited valiantly back to the inn in which Boreas had been fighting. Yeran and Lirresh supported Banal’ras-Vun with healing and piercing arrows. One Revenger took a fancy to Yeran, and things started to look dire for the epicly diseased elf. Boreas emerged in time to gut the Revenger where it stood, exorcising its head from its shoulders. Lirresh fixed Boreas with a stern stare as both the corpses turned back into their Dalish forms.

As the battle continued, Boreas and Yeran noticed Mah’jeek fall in the distance. Initially Yeran went down to aid his fallen friend, but was quickly overtaken by Boreas who ran with far greater urgency.

They arrived just as Coalan disarmed the Revenger of its hungering torch. Yeran stabilised Mah’jeek’s wounds and quickly snuffed the torch out. He attempted to drag Mah’jeek back up to the main fight, but quickly saw the futility in this. Meanwhile Boreas aided in the fighting and was generally a badass, assisting Coalan in the feud.

During this time, Banal’ras-Vun had been taking damage from the remaining forces. Elgar’len let out a second shattering howl, calling fourth four of his Blood Crows to make a nuisance. Banal’ras-Vun sidestepped, dodged and tanked as much as she could. Between herself and Lirresh, they cut down Elgar’len more and more. Fear entered the abominations eyes for the first time. Elgar’len began to howl again, but this time it was louder and much more penetrating. The blood curdling yell summoned all of his minions to his aid. This was too much for Banal’ras-Vun, and she fell unconscious as Elgar’lens forces washed over her. Lirresh kited and tried his best to take out the Revengers that troubled him, eventually succeeding with a well placed arrow to the knee.

The villagers rallying under the command of Tarl Dale rushed in and managed to hold off most of the Revengers. Coalan, having put out his shop, also made an appearance and diverted another two Revengers from the fray. The Blood Crows (with the exception of the aforementioned four, who remained in combat) circled Elgar’len providing him with a feather, meat and bone shield. Yeran and Boreas arrived back in the center of town, having left Mah’jeek safely outside the blacksmith. Boreas fought bravely but was beaten into the cold ground along with his fallen friends. Yeran ran to meet Lirresh, who was struggling with a Revenger. Yeran gave all of his healing might, and the last able breath to keep Lirresh in the fight. As Yeran fell, he knew all his friends were stable thanks to him, and he knew Lirresh had the best chance to take down Elgar’len. The heroes, aware of their technical complete and utter failure, watched on in horror at the events unfolding, conscious, but in a fragile, icy stasis.

Lirresh shot volley after volley, into the beast until he had used up every arrow in his quiver. The arrows sliced through and past the orbiting shield-crows, which rapidly dropped in number. He switched to his blade, taking barrage damage from the crows and burning under Elgar’len’s palpable hate and generally taking a beating.

Eventually, with fortune from Yeran for dodging so many attacks earlier and buying time for Lirresh and Lirresh’s fucking badassery (and lots and lots of luck!) Elgar’len was felled. As the killing blow plunged into Elgar’lens corrupted flesh, an explosion of demonic light erupted from him, harmonising with a shrieking bellow. His minions fell to the ground, and returned to their natural, undefiled forms, keeping only the wounds inflicted upon them. Green gaseous souls rose from the liberated, and coagulated in the blinding light of the defeated. The supernatural event reached a crescendo and all faded to dust. None of the party remained awake past the ashes being taken on the breeze.

The party awakened in a makeshift hospital in a tent, dank with the smell of blood, sweat and sanitation. Sister Arda diligently tended to the wounded and needy. Mah’jeek was the first to awaken, promptly leaving to find Eshara. He clumsily conversed with her, offering his healing services in return for Eshara’s vast gratitude to the deeds of the Shits.

Yeran later awoke, heading off to speak to Tarl Dale. Tarl was busy overseeing the repair of the town. Upon a glance of Yeran, Tarl’s face was set ajoy, he expressed his great thanks for the party coming back to help and offered full commendation for the effort on behalf of Vintiver. The party spent an extra couple of days to aid with the immediate problems facing the village. Tarl also informed Yeran that Coalan was looking for the Shits, and could be found busy at work in his smithy aiding in reparations.

Boreas, still half asleep, followed his stomach to the inn, which was in relatively good condition in spite of the bloodshed. The innkeeper greeted him with wholesome warmth, grateful and indebted to Boreas in light of him saving his wife and children. Boreas helped to clean out the inn, both of battle stains and its plentiful banquet. The innkeeper offered Boreas ninety silver, of which he modestly accepted forty to be split amongst the party, asking that the rest be put to aiding Vintivers people and mend its aching foundations.

Finally, Banal’ras-Vun remained in the medical tent, the nights events scarred into her senses. The post traumatic stress ate at her, as she paced and debated her role in this cruel world. Lirresh finds Banal’ras-Vun and he shared his surprise and relief that the Shits stayed with them and fought so bravely for the Dalish. Banal’ras-Vun and Lirresh both were relieved that the townsfolk and Dalish had made some reparations and were working together to help each other however they could. Lirresh asked Banal’ras-Vun to go with him to meet with the rest of the clan, who had now made it back from the tainted keep.

She was quickly rallied by her clan into aid. The caravan was full of supplies, and both Dalish and human worked side by side to restore the battle-scarred town and make repairs to the Dalish aravels. Meanwhile the Shits regrouped after their own little contributions to greet an old enemy, Coalan. The hatchet was far buried, and Coalan slayed the group with a warm smile and unabridged thanks. Boreas was gifted an ornate scabbard. Coalan also offered to make the party one further item, which the party agreed should be an even fancier staff for Mah’jeek.

As the day began to fade to an even more beautiful dusk, Mah’jeek and Yeran greeted Banal’ras-Vun on the edge of the village. Mah’jeek, in an ever eloquent fashion, asked Banal’ras-Vun to join them. Banal’ras-Vun, torn between two worlds, explained her loyalty to her clan, and how it is being tested by an internal battle over what is right to do. She wanted to venture out into the world, and clear the evil within it. Mah’jeek explained that the party was on a quest to slay a group of blood mages, as well as darkspawn. He also offered the daggers as a bribe, but under the guiding hand of Yeran’s better judgement, then offers them freely as a gift. As Banal’ras-Vun took the daggers, the party were summoned by Orellis, the Dalish leader.

The gathering was one of high spirits and victory, but had a heavy mist of exhaustion, and anticipation for the great amounts of work and repair needed to survive. Orellis explained that the clan planned on spending the next year in Vintiver, repairing their homes and aravels.

Banaal approached Orellis at the end of the congregation, offering the daggers for translation. Orellis was somewhat shocked, and began to talk to himself in Elvish. The blades were the ancient magical daggers of Ebony and Ivory, but had lost most of their former power. Orellis offered to do what he could to restore their power and Banal’ras-Vun eagerly accepted. He and Eshara then proceeded to perform a ritual to repair the daggers, muttering a hypnotising incantation as they did so.

While the ritual was underway Banal’ras-Vun reflected on her choice and came to the decision to leave. She spoke to Lirresh first who tried to convince her to stay but Banal’ras-Vun explained that she would never feel sated knowing what evil exists in the world, and how many people suffer at its hand. Banal’ras-Vun said she must leave and fight the evil as this was her newfound purpose in life. Lirresh resigned to the reality of Banal’ras-Vun’s determination shared a last goodbye, insisting she speak with Orellis before her departure.

Banal’ras-Vun did so, reiterating her feelings with more passion and certainty, speaking her thoughts only reinforced her drive. Orellis protested slightly, but accepted that she had made up her mind. He could not wish her well, but he wished her to return safely at her time of need, or the clans. He produced the daggers and explained that they were an ancient relic of the Dalish, and Orellis would normally want to keep them safely within the clan, however, he decides that they are best placed with Banal’ras-Vun as she ventures forth. He called for a parting ceremony for Banal’ras-Vun to call on Mythal to provide protection to their kin. She is given a new tattoo as part of the ceremony and each elf in the clan says their goodbyes to their sister.

They came to Vintiver as Mercenaries, outcasts and thieves. They left as heroes, heralded with the title “Saviours of Vintiver”.

Until they encounter one of the other hundreds of people they have pissed off anyway…

The Dalish Curse - Part 4
Prelude to a TPK

05 Guardian 28th Year of the Dragon Age

The Shits slipped out of the keep to find a storm raging above the forest. The opening of the heavens was heralded by a familiar plink plink plink that could just be heard over the howling wind. Although not arrows this time, but drops of water hitting Boreas’ armour at high velocity.

The Memetic Muscle Man attempted to survey the landscape, as did Mah’jeek. Naturally taller, they often acted as the defacto lookouts of the group.

The group felt empty, following the passing of another Shit. Their spirits were buoyed somewhat though by the introduction of two Dalish. Lirresh – a tall elf, strong and athletic. And Banal’ras-Vun, a beautiful female who had an almost God like, how-the-fuck-did-she-roll-those-stats, aura.

Both of these fresh souls bore tribal tattoos that intoxicated the minds of those who stared too long. Immediately after The Shits had introduced themselves to their new companions, Lirresh took charge and lead them deeper into the forest..

“We have difficult ground to cover. Try to keep up.” he shouted back.

He lead them down the incline from the keep. The group flowed down that hill like the rushing water that accompanied them. Following the paths of least resistance to the bottom of the mound, where they were faced with trees, twisted and close together, roots that curled up awkwardly from the ground, thick brush, stubborn vines, tough plants by the thousand that compete with the trees around them for bounty of the flame in the sky. Our Last Action Queeroes contended with them all, and each of them knew they would be utterly, completely fucked without their Dalish guides.

As the adventurers made haste through this unfamiliar and wild part of the world, Yeran felt searing irritation at the unrelenting, stinging rain and – deciding to try and raise the party’s spirits – he called out

“On another night—” his wind taken, Yeran stopped in his tracks and panted like a limp wristed Vulcan “…I might pay to be lashed this hard!”

Nobody laughed. Indeed, Lirresh makes what would turn out to be one of only two stops on that particular journey. He approached Yeran, coming in close enough to the mage that he can feel the Hunter’s breath on him

“Quiet, fool!”

Lirresh talked in nought but a whisper, but the serious urgency conveyed in the hunter’s hushed voice made Yeran shiver.

“You might attract them.”

Looking rather embarrassed, Yeran placed a hand on Lirresh’s shoulder and nodded in acknowledgement. “I wish you nothing but good will, hunting Lirresh”. The Dalish Elf rolled his eyes and with that, turned away and made off at pace.

After some time of traversing some of the most challenging terrain faced by the party in a while, Lirresh – who up until now had outpaced the entire group and had long since been out of sight – suddenly came back into the party’s view. He had stopped dead.

He whistled to Banal’ras-Vun, signalling trouble.

Then, from behind the adventurers Boreas shouted; “I’m stuck!”. He had been caught in an awkward looking pose that in normal circumstances might have been amusing. The current timing however, did not lend itself to whimsy.

Something about this felt all too familiar to the three turds. Yeran gagged, an involuntary reflex, as a memory of tasting sticky spider ass juice in the back of his throat. In unison the group turn their attention to the trees above seeing the Colossal Spider lowering itself down to its prey.

Immediately concerned for her tribesman, the badass rogue instinctively darted towards him. Boreas tried to break free, but looked closer to a drunk hobo trying to do the robot in slow mo, than he did a kick ass meat shield.

Yeran moved in towards Boreas. At the moment he stopped dead in front of the HUGE arachnid, our healer wondered if his parents had any children that lived. The disgusting creature (not Mah’Jeek) charged toward our slight circle mage and bit him, inflicting a huge amount of damage.

In spite of being a bit fucked up, Yeran managed to dodge the sickly slingshot of butt snot that was flung toward him. Well, most of it. A bit did hit his long, L’Oreal style hair, much to the mage’s disappointment.

Mah’jeek cast a Mind Blast spell at the spider’s ass hole with a will fueled by pure fury. At this moment Lirresh broke free from his silky bonds and drew his bow.

Banal’ras-Vun charged the spider, unleashing those sexy hit bonuses. The spider swiped back at her, but with a grace not yet seen by the party, she dodged the attack. Yeran would probably have gotten a small rubbery one, had venereal diseases not rendered his manhood a withered twig. Never the less, he forced himself to stop drooling at this glorious sight, and tried to help his friend. But neither he nor Boreas could untangle the warrior.

Lirresh yelled out to the group “Keep it either in the low ground, or somewhere I’ll be able to see it from up there” pointing to a large fallen tree nearby.

Mah’jeek, Lirresh and Banal’ras-Vun ganged up on the spider in a delicious sadistic orgy of pain. Our adventurers are very generous like that. And so the fight drew out. Exchanges of blows, frantic healing and some top draw damage rolls: At one point Mah’jeek inflicted a “mighty blow” for an eye watering 5 damage. (Ed: Which minus the spider’s armor rating of 5 led to a net damage of, let me see 5 minus the 5 that’s… 0. Well done, Mah’jeek) Hot dang!

Boreas was finally freed by Yeran, who might have given himself more credit than was necessary. Or even due. The spider focused on Banal’ras-Vun, who ducked and weaved between the spider’s blows. Her blades striking at the Spider with stunning speed. All the while Lirresh’s mastery of his weapon inflicted much pain upon the creature.

Immediately after Mah’jeek pulled a healing stunt and sent an Arcane Bolt at our little Shelob, Lirresh failed in stunning magnitude, firing an arrow at the spider which ricocheted off into Mah’jeek’s forehead, causing massive damage to him. Boreas drew Rollo’s Revenge, moving in towards the spider. It reacts by squirting arse barf all over the Warrior. His nostrils flared into action with a life of their own.

The arrow protruding from Mah’jeek’s skull was a funny sight, despite the continued danger posed by the spider. The group continued to attack the spider, with even Yeran trying to deal some damage (ha).

Eventually – after many a sticky arrests – Lirresh dealt the lethal blow. After nought but a breather, Lirresh pushed the fellowship on. Only the hulking Mah’jeek managing to keep pace with the hunter. Eventually, with several cuts, bruises and some bruised pride, the stragglers caught up with the head of the group. But only because they had stopped. In front of them the river. Swollen and freed from it’s banks, it flowed violently. Our adventurer’s hearts sank.

Yay! Environment rolls!

After some discussion it was decided that the sexy Banal’ras-Vun would cross first. She tied off some rope on a tree stump and then swam across easily. Once the rope had been fastened on the far side of the river, the rest crossed. First Mah’jeek, then Boreas – who had a hairy moment but luckily managed to make the crossing – then Yeran, and finally Lirresh.

On the other side, Lirresh looked around, his tracking ability somewhat impeded by the detour they had to take, to find a safe place to cross the river. But after a moment of consideration, the master of the bow lead the group on, along the remains of the riverbank. A short way along, the party saw a clump of red hair. Their hearts sinking as they realised they’d discovered the lifeless form of Elodie. Mah’jeek, not one for standing on ceremony, loots her, obtaining her pair of daggers. Banal’ras-Vun’s keen eyes notice these blades, and the Elvish script that adorns them. Yeran looks around for some rocks to try and bury his fallen comrade. Regrettably any stones large enough are currently under a few feet of water. And so the crew moved on until they reached the edge of the forest.

The sun was setting and In the distance they could hear the bell in the tower of Vintiver’s chantry ringing out, at first they thought it might be calling the faithful but when it did not stop they realised it was raising the alarm. Could it be that Elgar’len had beaten them to it? Were they too late?

Yeran remembered Orellis’ request that the Shits try not to kill anymore of the Revengers. Looking around at his companions – their bodies beaten and bloody, and faces weary – the mage had only one thought in his head:

Oh Boy!

The Dalish Curse - Part 3
Bye bye Elodie...

05 Guardian 28th Year of the Dragon Age

The Shits awoke in their camp, weary of the day to come and the plan to face an abomination and it’s allies after the troublesome Revenger fight. They pulled themselves together and continued on their journey, motivated by the thought of rescuing the Dalish captives – provided they were still alive. They saw a break in the treeline ahead, only for their hopes to be dashed by the sight of a huge charm in the middle of the forest.

Mah’jeek and Boreas had traumatic flashbacks while Yeran assessed the stability and maneuverability of a giant tree that had fallen connecting the two sides. Elodie peered over the edge, unable to see an end to the abyss. She had long dreamed of sloping hills and beautiful flowers, not inclines so steep that the sun cannot reach most of it, let alone grow life in the rocky bed. Mah’jeek snapped back to reality and, being the only one with rope, began securing one end to the ground and considered tying it to the various tree branches for added strength. Yeran volunteered to cross first and is about the climb onto the trunk when screeches sounded all around them. A murder of crows swooped down and began hindering the group who huddled around the fallen tree. Before Yeran could start his attempt at crossing, a crow clawed him in his (only working) eye, so the group decided that someone else should attempt to cross first only for Mah’jeek and Boreas to subsequently get clawed in their eyes too. The onus to be the first crossing the chasm fell on Elodie’s shoulders, who hesitated at the fear of falling down into the darkness. Boreas,wiping the blood trickling down from his eyes, gathered his courage and climbed up, motioning for the rope to be thrown up to him so that he can help the others cross. The crows decided this is too fast and pushed Boreas off the log forcing him to climb back onto it. Just as he had finished climbing back on and stood up he lost his balance but just managed to stay grasped onto a thick branch. He recovered and Elodie steadily joined him. Elodie, as the only one without clawed eyes and being the dexterous rogue of the group, naturally falls. Before making it halfway she lost her concentration and slipped off the trunk. She quickly reached out for a branch but it snaps leaving the wannabe bard falling into the void below. The shattering of her bones eventually echoed back up the chasm. After a few brief moments of agony, she fell unconscious, requiring Mah’jeek or Yeran’s healing through the darkness.

Boreas continued to make his way across and secured the rope on the other side. Yeran rushed across and made it safely, finding no way to climb down and help the fair maiden. Mah’jeek then attempted to cross, becoming the key target for the crows who almost teared him apart before he tripped and is kept from his doom by the rope alone. He managed to climb up and the three Shits run into the cover of the forest before their numbers dwindle further. Elodie’s heart stills, her symphony ended and the world loses some of its cheer.

The men continued following the tracks until they came to an ancient crumbling fortress. Only the abandoned ground floor remained intact along with a staircase into its depths. They ventured down and were greeted by a skeleton, guarding the once-great keep. Boreas lead the group into a battle against two spear-wielding skeletons.

Mah’jeek disarmed one of them, sending its spear spinning across the stones only for it to use its piercing claws on Boreas. The skeletons are shattered just as arrows started to soar towards the Shits from the dark up ahead. A pair of archer skeletons were revealed, one of which Mah’jeek hit with a lucky lance to the previously felled spear.

Boreas charged forward and dispatched one of the two, throwing its skulls at Mah’jeek who retaliates with a Mind Blast spell. Yeran rolled his eye as the last hostile clawed him up a bit before Boreas was able to pick himself up and dispatch it.

The three continued through the castle’s dungeon and the mages noticed a cord trap ahead, Mah’jeek was happy to let Boreas walk into it only but Yeran quickly stepped in and pulled him back just in time. Stepping over the cord they headed deeper into the keep and found cells holding the Dalish elves. They realised that the cells were locked and noticed a glowing arcane circle on the ground of the far chamber. Mah’jeek went to investigate. On Mah’jeek’s approach, the Silver link provided by Eshara began to spark red energy, growing stronger and more violent the closer it was brought to the circle. Mah’jeek decided to keep the link away from the circle.

Boreas and Yeran found the key to the cells and started dividing their rations for the starving group. They were approached by and elderly Dalish elf who introduced himself as Orellis. The party explained how they had come to the keep and that they were here to help the elves. Orellis explained that the abomination was an elf called Harralan, a hunter in their in their community. Harralan was punished with scouting duty after an altercation with Coalan, the blacksmith of Vintiver during the first day celebrations. He found this ruin and was turned into his current state after finding the Silver link. Then the Revengers appeared.

Yeran explained their previous encounter with the Revengers and how they turned into elves upon death. Orellis asked that the Shits try not to kill anymore of them, in case there existed a way to revert them back to themselves while they still lived. Orellis then shared that the Elgar’len and his Revengers had left for Vintiver only a few hours before, he called forth his best remaining hunters – Lirresh and Banal’ras-Vun to guide the Shits along a faster route back to Vintiver so that they can save the village.

The Dalish Curse - Part 2

04 Guardian 28th Year of the Dragon Age


The next day Boreas awoke in his bed at the inn feeling slightly disappointed as he was having the most excellent dream that a warrior could wish for. His eyes had opened late after all the others, who were already enjoying their breakfast downstairs. After eating for himself (clearing out the rest of the inn’s pantry in the process), The Shits left to begin their quest. Tarl Dale stopped them on the road before they left Vintiver, asking where they were going.

Yeran explained that they were going to slay the monsters that attacked the elves. Elodie elaborated further, saying that the elven woman, Eshara, spoke to them the night before and asked out of courtesy to his profession and reputation as a lawman for his assistance in killing the abomination Eshara had spoke of. However, he (not very) politely refused the request, saying his duty required him to stay at the village, and that he will make sure Eshara wouldn’t come to any harm until the shits return.

The Shits took up their gear once more and left the village. They soon came to a bend in the road, where they were surprised by the blacksmith, Coalan, and some members of the angry, torch-and-pitchfork-wielding mob from the night before. They didn’t look like they would be offering cookies and milk for our heroes.

Boreas immediately ran for the high ground, feeling a quote coming on. However, he left all of the other, much squishier, members of the group out in the open. He shouted to Coalan at the top of his voice to try and set up the quote, but the bastard didn’t follow through with it. The other members of The Shits, bewildered by Boreas’ actions, seemed to be somewhat distracted, and the villagers, led by Coalan, mauled them, knocking them all prone. Boreas (from up on his high ground) still felt mighty proud of his actions and was sure it would make a fine meme in the future.

Yeran ran up the hill to join Boreas and smacked some sense into him. Feeling enlightened, Boreas ran down the hill and whacked a drunkard with Rollo’s Revenge. Elodie also recovered from being knocked down and joined Yeran atop the hill. Mah’jeek on the other hand stayed at the bottom of the hill to cast some offensive spells to slow the bastards down, including casting a Walking Bomb on Coalan. One of them avoided his spells and managed to knock him down again. They then surrounded him, creating a near-perfect bully circle, and knocked him out. They then disrespectfully threw his unconscious body away from his friends into the bushes.

Luckily, Yeran came to the rescue and cast a far off heal, as well as healing Elodie. He didn’t feel obliged to do anything with Boreas at that moment, so he simply scowled at him and stuck out his tongue for good measure. Boreas killed the drunkard, decapitating him and throwing the head at Coalan, as proof of his might. However, the blacksmith swung his hammer and smacked the head like a baseball, making it land right into the lap of Mah’jeek’s unconscious body. He then charged at Boreas and started attacking him. With Coalan distracted by Boreas, Elodie took advantage of the situation and shot him with an arrow, which ruptured a blood vessel, causing him to start bleeding, on top of the Walking Bomb attached to him.

The rest of the villagers surrounded Boreas, passing him down a line through skirmishing so that everybody got a turn at bashing him with their clubs and other pointy things. Boreas recovered afterwards and smacked Coalan, after Yeran had also cast a spell on him. Realising the warrior’s might, the blacksmith decided to focus on Elodie while padding his wound to stem the bleeding. Seeing the blacksmiths change in tactics, the rest of the mob similarly started attacking Elodie, adopting the same pass-the-parcel style as was previously done with Mah’jeek and Boreas.

Speaking of whom, Boreas tried to attack Coalan once again, but didn’t do too much damage, leaving the blacksmith to slam the Avvar right into the frenzy, causing him to be surrounded once more by the mob, while also dealing quite a lot of damage to the “tank”. Elodie tried backstabbing Coalan but he noticed her before she could land the strike. Meanwhile, Boreas was subjected to more ass fucks with the pointy ends of the villagers’ amateurish weapons.

Elodie dealt the finishing blow, knocking Coalan out. Seeing their ringleader down, the villagers picked him up and ran off to escape. The Shits were unable to catch up with them and realised that Eshara may be in danger now, as the blacksmith may place the blame of the heroes’ actions on her. They had a heated debate on their next move. Elodie wanted to return to the village to assure that Eshara would be safe. The others however decided to continue with the quest Eshara had given them, and walked off. Elodie watched the villagers as they disappeared out of view. She turned around and realised that none of The Shits were still around, so with a huff, she ran to catch up with them.

The Shits continued walking into a forest and came across a clearing, where some ruckus had once taken place. The carcasses of some horses lay together, beside a wooden post where they were tied to. The remains of a stew, picked at over time by scavengers, sloshed around in a small metal pot, as the wind blew over the rim. In the encroaching darkness, the group tried to do some sleuthing. Boreas, Elodie and Mah’jeek walked around looking for tracks, creating their own in the process and messing up any legitimate evidence of an attack. Only Yeran had the initiative to get out a lantern and search the ground. He soon found the tracks of the elves that they had been sent to rescue, but nothing of any abomination. Suddenly, the elven mage swung his lantern up and around with the aim to inform his friends of his findings, but as he swung around to speak, the lantern lit up the face of an anthropomorphic jackal-like creature, a Revenger. It’s glowing red eyes hypnotised Yeran into fear. He then ran back to his friends to warn them, only to find that they too had encountered them, and that they had been surrounded.

The Revengers moved in on the group, forcing them into a corner. With their backs to one of the overturned aravel that had belonged to the Dalish clan. Boreas, Elodie and Mah’jeek surrounded Yeran to protect their healer. However, Mah’jeek, still weak from their last fight, fell once more. Having taken care of one, the Revengers shifted their focus to Elodie. They slashed and bit her, almost felling her as well. Boreas was fine, his mighty armor gleamed protecting him from almost all harm. Yeran was safe behind his meat shields and healed Elodie. Boreas whipped out a healing potion in preparation to feed it to Mah’jeek in order to stabilise him, but for the time being, he slashed the Revenger in front of him, getting a cheeky stunt in the process, which allowed him to attack two of them. He killed one of them and dumped the carcass on Mah’jeek’s dying, pitiful body…

A Revenger caused Elodie to fall, taking the term ‘meat-shield’ to the next level. Yeran stabilised her however, and also healed Boreas as well. At the next opportunity, Boreas used his healing potion on Mah’jeek to stabilise him, and then slashed another Revenger. With his fallen comrades bodies blocking all other approaches the Revengers only option was to attack Boreas. The final Revenger grabbed Elodie’s ankles, with an intent on dragging her out of the way to get at the juicy, squishy flesh of Yeran.

Yeran healed Boreas significantly, which boosted the Avvar’s confidence and sent a surge of adrenaline up his spine, allowing him to kill another Revenger, chucking the body onto Elodie. This action surprised the Revenger at Elodie’s feet and demoralised it, causing it to let go of her ankles. With his dastardly plan foiled, the Revenger instead turned his attention to Boreas and attacked him with bites and scratches. Boreas channeled his strength and rage into a sick six-point stunt, first slashing the two Revengers in one fell swoop, and then attacking the nearest once more. Yeran needlessly healed the tank, but even so, it gave Boreas a good feeling, for he got himself yet another stunt. Not as powerful as the last, but still enough to slay the Revenger. The final remaining Revenger, in fear for its life, ran off into the blackness of the forest.

The two fallen heroes awoke after some time to find their bodies covered in Dalish elf corpses and blood. This confused everybody. The mages attempted to remember anything from their arcane knowledge to explain what had occurred, but were unable to find any similar situation in their combined knowledge. With nothing to go on, they decided to sleep, with Boreas taking first watch, which mostly involved admiring the stars instead of keeping watch. Yeran was next and he decided to inhale his incense to hone his senses, but nothing untoward occurred. Nothing with Mah’jeek either and, finally, Elodie took her turn and still found nothing. The night was uneventful, to say the least.

The Dalish Curse - Part 1
New Years Fun!

01 Wintermarch 28th Year of the Dragon Age

At the circle tower, night fades into day and so began the festivities of First Day! Boreas decided to fill himself with the plentiful buffet. Unfortunately for the catering staff, Boreas was able to consume a platter of food faster than they could replace it. They resorted to bringing the platters directly to him, for first dibs.

Mah’jeek sulked about the place, as he did not particularly care for the festivities. In spite of this, he purchased two pairs of hand made scarfs and socks – orange for Boreas and purple for Elodie. Mah’jeek then commissioned the skills of an elven worker in the tower to create an eyepatch with gilded embroidery for Yeran. The patch was decorated with a tree and two presents remarkably in the shape of a large cock and balls.

Elodie entertained the mages by showing off her skills and playing some music. She had a lot of requests and improvised a lot when she didn’t know the song.

Yeran, made the most of the Circle footing the bill and decided to help himself to the most expensive wine he could find. The tranquil were very helpful in helping him find his poison. He drank lots and lots of wine. Nobody was quite certain what happened to him between the 3rd bottle and the morning.

Meanwhile, Grigor, Mah’jeek and Elodie had a drinking contest. Many pints were downed, shots and spirits followed, causing Mah’jeeks reddish skin to fade. He locked eyes with Elodie, and they both fell backwards off their chairs and were carried off to a roaring applause to sleep off the booze in the dorm room. Unsurprisingly, Grigor washed his wine down with more alcohol…

Boreas then removed his armour to eat more chicken and pies without constriction…

The following morning everyone had a raging hangover, as typically expected at this point. Everyone except Boreas however, who had a different discomfort to face. Wishing that he was as inebriated as his friends, Boreas had a mighty and profound shit. Thankfully afterwards he was able to fit back into his armour, but the aging plumbing of the tower was blocked and the smell pervaded everywhere.

The party opted to leave the Circle swiftly after breakfast. Before they left, Wynne summoned Yeran to her office. She gave him a book on spirit healing, a sexy pink healing sash and a few potions to keep him and his friends safe on their travels. She told him that if Grigor was to invite Yeran to join his organisation then he should accept the offer in order to keep himself safe, whilst giving the phallic eyepatch a disapproving look. She also handed him some fine special reserve wine, which Yeran cared about more than the rest of the gift package.

As the party departed from the tower, Yeran lead everyone on their way to Briarham. The party planed a route that would take them 4 weeks and 5 days if they manage to avoid obligatory side quests.

During the journey, Mah’jeek attempted to cast a new spell, dream sending. However, this backfired very badly and instead sent him into having a terrible nightmare where he became an abomination over and over again. A nightmare that haunted him every following night on the journey. Mah’jeek kept to himself, more than usual, for the rest of the journey.

Later in their journey the party stumbled on a farmhand, dead in the road with crows encircling his fresh corpse ravenously. (Ed: Is that the ominous sound of a side quest I hear?) As everyone headed towards the farmhouse to have a look, they all failed to notice the five blight wolves preparing to ambush them. Surprise!

The battle ensued quickly, the party maneuvered themselves quickly into a position where most of the wolves were attacking Boreas except one which had a profound desire for the taste of Mah’jeeks flesh.

The wolves worked as a pack, and repeatedly attacked Boreas in a tactical and packlike way. Boreas feared not as he had healing support from both mages, and swung his mighty two handed sword at the wolves.

Mah’jeek unleashed a monster walking bomb on one of the wolves, who then proceeded to shakes it off immediately.

Yerans sexy pink sash glowed as he channeled a boosted heal on Boreas, whilst managing to spend more focus on the look of the spell than the actual effect.

Mah’jeek tactfully used his knowledge of Spirit Magic to sense Boreas’ mood, which was “dying”. Boreas gave him a disapproving look for wasting time.

Both mages pulled off multiple spell casts healing Boreas and keeping him up as he cleaved a wolf down. Before picking it up and throwing it “in the nearest direction”.

Meanwhile Elodie was plink plink plinking away to little success, so she decided to switch to her short sword and be a shady bastard and backstab some wolves. She pulled this off repeatedly with grace and mastery that even the late Brannek would have been jealous of.

Yeran melted the brain of a wolf through its ear somehow…

Elodie weakened the wolves with deadly backstabbing while Boreas sliced another one open and threw the corpse at Mah’jeek. The remaining wolves ran off. Mah’jeek responded by mildly inconveniencing Boreas with a tasty mindblast.

Following the battle, Boreas identified that the corpses were not killed by the blight wolves. Everyone moved together into the main farmhouse. It was filled with blood, corpses and some strange writing which no-one was able to read. They searched the rest of the farm and found nothing much aside from bloodshed, until they stumbled upon a maimed Dalish Elf. With some quick and effective healing, the party patched her up enough to be stable for a trip to the nearest village.

They traveled into the village of Vintiver carrying the elf, and meet the local Inn owner, Kesla Mullin whom after some questioning invites the party into the inn and sent one of her children to summon Sister Arda from the local chantry.

The party shared the story of the farm, and then shared it again. And again… fortunately between rabble and drinks, the Sister informs the party that the elf will recover in time.

Shortly after this news, a steadily growing noise drowns out the chatter in the inn.

The party exited the Inn to investigate the commotion outside, and were greeted with a sizable mob of 30 odd villagers, lead by a burly angry bloke.

The innkeeper came out with the party to witness the mob heading towards them. The mob blamed the Dalish Elf for the deaths at the farm and want to enact ‘justice’ on her.

Elodie with quick thinking managed to convince the Sister to move the elf to the Chantry by taking the back door and sneaking through the back alleys.

The mob did not want to listen to the party and it looked like tensions were building to critical mass. Boreas gave a heroic speech to the mob, which unfortunately fell on deaf ears. Eventually however, the mob saw enough reasoning to back down and disbanded. The party decided that clearly some of them were a little mad with some of the claims that were being made!

The red faced leader, turning out to be the blacksmith, spat at the party’s feet and reluctantly left. Success (?)

Everyone retired to the inn for some well earned food and drink. When the local lawman entered the tavern, spotting the outsiders he joined the party at their table.

He knew that the party were involved with all the troubles to some degree, and through a tense and testosterone fueled conversation he eventually agreed to investigate the farm himself and did not hold the party responsible for the deaths, and the commotion…yet.

Just before they headed to their beds the group were summoned to the Chantry, where they met the finally conscious and much healthier looking Dalish elf, Eshara. Eshara explained her story.

She and her fellow Dalish came to the village initially for the First Day celebrations. Initially nothing was wrong, but eventually there was a drunken fight due to the elf/human tension between the two groups. Harsh words were exchanged and a Dalish elf attacked the mob leading blacksmith.

The Dalish band left, the following morning, with the elf who had been involved in the confrontation, Harralan, sent ahead to scout. However Harralan never returned. They sent out others to look for him but none of them came back either, as well as the rescue parties following them. Just before the remnants of the caravan could turn back their camp was attacked by a load of monsters lead by an abomination calling itself Elgar’len, or the child of vengeance in the common tongue.

Eshara managed to escape her captors and fled taking refuge at the farm, where she hid with her wounds. She hid as the monsters ravaged the farm.

Eshara begged the party to go and search for her kin.

The party, ever keen to deviate from the main story arc, accepted the quest and were given directions to the original Dalish campsite to start their search.

Mah’jeek took a runic silver link from Eshara, which she had managed to steal away from Elgar’len.

The party returned to the inn and rested up for their long journey the following day.

Walking in Circles - Part Two
Magic Roundabout!

27 Haring 27th Year of the Dragon Age

Shadows cast by the fire licked the walls. Dark tentacles that seemed to Boreas to envelop and grope at the companions, as embers danced through the air about the hearth with a grace that belay their creator’s insidiousness; this fire demanded flesh.

The party were momentarily hypnotised by the fire’s seduction, buying more than enough time for the Shades to guard up before committing their dirty deed. Elodie was struck by the weakness cast, but the Shade targeting Boreas fumbled, possibly intimidated by the over-powered-as-fuck warrior. Elodie drew her bow in response, pulling off a stunt in spite of the spell that ailed her. But the arrow whistled past the Abomination’s head and ricocheted off the wall.

The room appeared to darken around the Shits, as the Abomination slowly turned its head towards Mah’jeek venting a foul hiss at him. A sound that seemed to bend, twist and elongate. It took form around the Apostate, and became incandescent – snapping into life and scorching Mah’jeek before burning itself out. In his soul, the mage would long feel the malice with which those flames bit.

The Abomination then stretched out its arms, trembling and jerking its head to a sound of crackling cartilage and bone. The creature’s wrists split open to that sound, and snapped back violently. Blood sprayed out, anointing the group from this most evil font. Out of the gaping wounds bloody sinew and fetid grey soft tissues oozed. From the bones that protruded – like the remnants of trees snapped in two during a storm – dark red tentacles grew. Yeran’s nausea is overcome only by the sudden pain associated with taking a direct hit from a lightning bolt.

“Blood magic?!…” Mah’jeek grunted, as the bolt jumped from Yeran, to Elodie and on to Boreas.

Being first affected, Yeran was the first to recover from the shock. Spurred by the electrical charge echoing through him, Yeran pulled a fast cast out the bag – which was really fucking lucky, as he royally screwed up the first self-heal.

The group dispersed themselves, taking care to reduce the risk of taking further damage en masse.

Boreas owned it like a ‘roid raging gorilla and spanked the Abomination as if it were a naughty Circle child who needed to be taught a lesson. While this ensued, Mah’jeek cast a Walking Bomb on the Shade in the corner closest to him, Elodie and Yeran. It stuck, and both Shades continued to guard up.

The Shade opposite Boreas cast Weakness on the warrior, whose nostrils flared in rage at this insult. The bombed Shade mimiced its counterpart, casting on Elodie. But she was unaffected, and released a second arrow.

True to form, she missed.

The Abomination turned to face it only real threat – Boreas. It released another hiss and Boreas was wreathed in flames. It then let loose a bolt of lightning, intended for a singular target. Boreas staggered back dodging out of the way. His nostrils quivered so fucking hard.

Yeran let loose an Arcane Lance on the Abomination but missed. Boreas’ response to the Abomination’s lightning bolt consisted of a rage induced Mighty Blow, combined with a Lightning attack. Mah’jeek, feeling a need to make up for the last time he encountered their kind focused, only on the Shades, and cast Walking Bomb on the second. Both failed to resist the spell and were further damaged. One Shade guards yet again and attempted to cast Weakness on Elodie, but the spell failed. The other Shade changed the record and attempted to cast Drain Mah’jeek, but as the mage’s will is strong , he resisted the Shade’s attempt.

It turned out, third time was the charm, and Elodie’s attack struck true, forcing the Abomination to fall into the fire. The flames burning high and intensely hot as screeching damnation echoed throughout the chamber. The foul Abomination was no more.

Yeran prepares a healing spell, while Boreas’ blade sliced through a Shade, causing its form to whisp a little, before reforming. Mah’jeek decided enough is enough, and fast cast two Arcane Bolts, killing the Shade instantly.

The remaining Shade failed to resist the lingering spell, and as it exploded Boreas is rocked by it’s ethereal form. At that moment the Abomination’s carcass exploded, spending forth a wave of fire that broke on the group.

The battle done with Mah’jeek picked up the book they had been studying prior to the Abomination’s appearance. The group took a moment to catch their breath and then continued on through the Restricted Section. On exiting the room the party closed ranks, proceeding slowly and carefully through the corridors. Each of them looked around, but in the pressing darkness they perceived nothing of the dangers ahead.

Elodie stumbled into a trap, and while nimble and quick, she took some damage. Boreas did the same, but was less graceful in his escape. This clumsiness resulted in flames lapping across and beneath his armor, forcing a low growl to emanate from deep in his chest.

Elodie scurried around, disabling both the triggered traps before the group continued to inchworm their way through the basement. Along the way, Elodie continued to engage in her obsession with barrels. Then suddenly, they heard an all too familiar “click”, as Boreas triggered another trap. This time there were no flames, but darts. A flurry of clinking sounds disturbed the otherwise still air.

One of the darts found its way through a gap in the warrior’s armor, and struck him directly. Boreas looked down at his wound, examining it for a moment, before placing two fingers on either side of the torn flesh, and tearing the dart from his body with the other hand.

After a bit of dying, and a bit of healing, the Shits’ become aware that they are flanked by some very real looking spider statues, set atop plinths. Boreas – being the group’s resident juicer – swung at one of the statues. His blade carried through the air with the grace of a novice swordsman. To nobody’s great surprise, his sword stopped dead on making contact with the spider. Oddly, it did not bounce away.

Yeran tosses a heal spell at Elodie, who proceeded to set off another trap, much to the Circle Mage’s frustration. For some inexplicable reason the Rogue then decided to pick up a barrel, and put it back down again. The party stared at Elodie in silence, each wearing a quizzical look.

After a little more fumbling down the passage, a very live and mobile spider appears. Elodie quickly slipped into the shadows, disappearing momentarily before reappearing – outside of the spider’s periphery – and unleashing a backstab on the arachnid. It bled heavily from the wound she left.

Mid way through this attack Elodie noticed the four other spiders – all once as still as stone – now moving. Mah’jeek became aware also, dropping his torch, and then shooting an Arcane Lance at one of them. At that moment silver looking threads shot through the air. Yeran took a load to his face and was immobilised.

So began the Battle of the Silver Fish.

With uncharacteristic grace, Boreas evaded the pearly gloop that squirted from the darkness, but in so doing relinquished the opportunity to anticipate one of the visible spider’s attacks. It bit Boreas, injecting him with potent venom.

As Elodie maneuvered and drew her bow, Mah’jeek freed Yeran from his sticky prison. Boreas charged the orange looking arthropod, Mighty Blowing the shit out of it. Another shot of web flew towards Yeran but this time he dodges the spider’s silky spray, however Elodie and Boreas both fell victim to the stinking ejaculate.

Yeran walked up behind Elodie – who was still immobilised – smelled her hair a little (Ed: totally not a stalker), before freeing her from the web. Elodie threw Yeran a contemptuous look, then used that rage to fire at the spider that opened this battle. But in her ire, she missed. Mah’jeek then sent an Arcane Lance at the very same creature while Boreas freed himself.

Fate mocked the party, with both Boreas and Mah’jeek being attacked and becoming immobilised immediately after their small victories. Yeran attempted to free Boreas with his small effeminate hands, but to nobody’s surprise, he was unsuccessful. Yeran put those slender digits to good use by picking his nose. Elodie shot an arrow at one of the arachnids, killing it. Then ensued a war of attrition; entrapment, freedom, attack, counter. Eventually the spiders were defeated. But the victory was staggeringly short lived, as a huge explosion teared through the corridor with Elodie and Mah’jeek bearing the brunt of it, while Boreas and Yeran escaped harm. Boreas began to walk away and Yeran hid behind Boreas, his favorite meat shield, following him closely.

Using their better judgement, the group came together and progressed. Until yet another spider was revealed to them. However this time, the ratio is 4:1, and the eight legged creature was soon destroyed.

Much to the party’s confusion, when they doubled back they came upon a dead end. After discussing briefly what to do, they head back to where the barrels exploded. Only to find the wall that had originally been there had now disappeared. With haste they exited the basement, and were glad to be able to breathe untainted air.

They bumped into Jorvac almost immediately. He inquired as to where the party had been. After they had told him they had been through the restricted section the old mage frowned, and demanded to know where they had acquired the key to such a highly restricted part of the tower, not to mention why we needed to venture to such a place.. He was told the story of how Jorvac himself handed over the key, that the group might accomplish their task. Which jogged his memory a little, he was extremely apologetic for not mentioning the traps but was deeply concerned to hear of the Abomination and pleaded that the party not tell anyone about it as it would surely bring the Templars wrath upon the mages in the Circle.

The party rested up, except for Mah’jeek who acted shady as fuck and started scribbling from the text recovered. Yeran kept staring back at Mah’jeek suspiciously. His assumption that the Qunari understood anything about what he was copying both baffled and impressed Yeran.

Yeran decided to leave him to it as it had been a strange day. He then went to talk to his mentor, Wynne.

Meanwhile Elodie and Boreas had a stimulating chat with the Tranquil.

Yeran pestered Wynne for some lyrium potions but she told the young mage that ‘she’ll see what she can do’ with the subtext that Yeran read as ‘learn to make do, noob!’

After a few day Grigor arrived and the party were summoned to brief him, Irving and Greagoir on their findings. Before they were allowed in to the meeting they spied Wynne and Grigor discussing something. After Grigor had inquired as to the whereabouts of Brannek and been introduced to Elodie, Yeran was asked to tell the panel of the Shits findings.

They discussed the book they found, a journal of a Tevinter accolyte. It described a group of blood mages by the names of Davrik, Gianna, and led by Falinesti. They had sought to build an army of Darkspawn Abominations and use it to build a new world order however their plans were leaked and they were all killed before they could assemble an army. All records of them were expunged. The dating on the journal indicated that these events happened before the fall of the Tevinter Imperium. It was surmised by Irving that this new group must have been able to find enough information about the original research to attempt it again and had taken up the mantles of the original Tevinter mages.

After telling the story, the party was excused while Grigor, Irving and Greagoir could discuss an action plan. They waited outside for the next hour, while a raucous argument could be heard (but not deciphered) by the group.

Finally the Shits were summoned.

Grigor informed the party that he believed he had found the possible location of Gianna prior to arriving at the Circle – a small village called Dandervale. He instructed the party to meet him in Briarham in 6 weeks so that they could then travel on to Dandervale together…

Walking in Circles - Part One
Finally at the Circle Tower!

21 Haring 27th Year of the Dragon Age

The Shits arrived at the Lake Callenhad docks, a small village with docks to the Circle Tower on the very day they’re supposed to meet Grigor with findings from the Tower so it seemed they were a tad fucked. Mah’jeek bought some fresh breeches while Yeran did his best to sort out a good eyepatch to cover his brand scar.

Upon arriving at the Tower, after crossing the lake, the Shits were greeted by Knight-Commander Greagoir, who after inspecting the documents presented by Mah’jeek. Interviewed the party and asked some probing questions about what happened to Yeran’s eye, he then sent the group on their way to the First Enchanter to give him Grigor’s scroll. The First Enchanter informed the group that Grigor had recently sent a communication informing Irving that he had been delayed by about ten days, which had not made much sense at the time. The group, greatly relieved that they had been spared Grigor’s fury, for now, started their research in the library to try and find records for the Blood mages Davrik and Gianna and anything that might point to who their master is.

After a day of research, Wynne, grabbed Yeran and kindly interrogated him about his eye. Thankfully she didn’t think it was in Yeran’s interests to tell anyone else about the brand just yet so the Shits weren’t totally screwed. Meanwhile, Elodie had a mooch around rather than aiding in the (boring) research and met some of the Tranquil – former mages who had had their connection to the fade severed and no longer felt emotion. Out of curiosity she went back to the library to try and find out more about them, thinking there may be a song in the topic if there was a Tranquil who fell in love, or some other inspiration. After 6 more days of going through records, the Shits came up empty and the old librarian, Jorvac, suggested that they try the restricted section in the basement. The group headed down and encountered a variety of nasty traps on their way to the where books on blood mages might be kept. Along the way they were struck by poison darts, exploding barrels, old magical books that were so eager to be read that they created tentacles to force Yeran to look like he was interested when he was actually slowly dying, massive fire pressure plates, tripwires rigged to huge claws that Boreas struggled to get past and other tripwires rigged to release swarms of giant rats who nearly overwhelmed the group with their coordinated attacks. The party through much care and precision found each of these traps by discovered their purpose by bumbling into them one after the other because they’re fucking noobs. The group found a locked room full of magical artifacts but when Elodie’s went to pick the lock her pick melted and shots into her, she decided to forget about the artifacts since they were probably cursed anyway since they’re locked away. Then she went ahead of the group a bit as the others decided to have a sit down in room with a comfy chair, an unused fireplace and wall to wall bookcases. Without a torch, Elodie felt her foot snag on a tripwire and with extreme good luck managed to avoid actually triggering it, thus avoiding another group of giant rats which could have been the end of the Shits. Then everyone started going through the bookcases and they eventually found an ancient book describing a group of blood mages with the names Davrik, Gianna and Falinesti. Before they were able to delve any further the fire roared into life, the shadows grew and 2 Shades pervaded from the shadows while an Abomination rose from the floor in front of the fire. The party realised this library may be their tomb…


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